Jimmy Kimmel’s Plan to End Trump’s Government Shutdown

Jimmy Kimmel’s Plan to End Trump’s Government Shutdown


THANK YOU FOR JOINING US ON A, AGAIN, ANOTHER DAY OF WALL TO WALL DRAMA HERE. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS THAT THERE’S ALMOST TOO MUCH TO WRAP WERE YOUR HEAD AROUND. LAST NIGHT, AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW, THE PRESIDENT INTERRUPTED PRIME TIME TELEVISION TO READ A SPEECH FROM THE OVAL OFFICE, TO WARN US ABOUT MEXICANS, AS IF THEY’RE A MIGRATION OF KILLER BEES SWARMING AFTER US. THE SPEECH I THINK WAS INTENDED TO CONVINCE US THAT WE HAVE A CRISIS AT THE BORDER. HE’S MARRIED TO ONE AND REFUSES TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. THIS WAS NOT AN INSPIRED SPEECH. IT LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GIVING IT AT GUN POINT. AND HE WAS SNIFFLING. I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE HE FORGOT TO TAKE HIS ALLERGY MEDICATION.>>ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM CONGESTION? UNCONTROLLABLE PERSISTENT SNIFFLING? FINALLY, THERE IS HOPE, WALLEGRA, FOR BORDER-NEGOTIATING RELATED DELUSIONS. ASK YOUR INDICTED CAMPAIGN MANAGER IF WALLEGRA IS RIGHT FOR YOU. IT MAY CAUSE A SUDDEN INABILITY TO USE NUMBERS AND FACTS. WALLEGRA, SHUT DOWN THE GOVERNMENT, NOT YOUR SINUSES.>>AVAILABLE AT BORDER WALGREENS. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>>Jimmy: IT WAS A VERY DRIPPY SPEECH, NASAL AND OTHERWISE, BUT TRUMP WASN’T THE ONLY LEADER WHO CAME OFF BADLY. I DON’T KNOW WHO’S VIEADVISING THEM. BUT AS BAD AS TRUMP’S PRESENTATION WAS, THE REBUTTAL FROM CHUCK SCHUMER AND NANCY PELOSI MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE.>>GOOD EVENING. I APPRECIATE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ABOUT HOW WE CAN END THIS SHUTDOWN.>>OBVIOUSLY, THEY SUBSCRIBE TO NETFLIX. THEY LOOK LIKE THE TRAILER FOR “GET OUT TWO.” TWO SCARY WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE SECRET. THE MAIN THING WAS TRUMP. HE HAD BIGLY WHOPPER THE FOR US. HE HAD MORE LIES. TRUMP CLAIMED THE WALL, IF WE BUILD IT, WILL PAY FOR ITSELF. THE ONLY PERSON IN HISTORY WHO EVER BANKRUPTED A CASINO SAYS THE WALL WILL PAY FOR ITSELF. THEN TODAY, AFTER A SPEECH THAT CHANGED EXACTLY NO ONE’S MIND, THE PRESIDENT SAID ALL RIGHT, I’M GOING TO MEET WITH THE DEMOCRATS. AND AS YOU READ, IT DID NOT GO WELL. JUST LEFT THE MEETING WITH CHUCK AND FANCY. A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME. I ASKED WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN 30 DAYS IN I QUICKLY OPEN THINGS UP. WILL YOU FUND THE WALL, NANCY PELOSI SAID NO. I SAID BYE-BYE. HE DESPERATELY WANTS TO PIN IT ON DEMOCRATS EVEN THOUGH PRESIDENT TRUMP SAID HE WAS PROUD TO CLAIM IT FOR HIMSELF. CABLE NEWS RUSHES OUT. AND HERE’S CHUCK SCHUMER’S TAKE.>>HE ASKED SPEAKER PELOSI IF SHE WOULD FUND THE WALL, AND SHE SAID NO. AND HE SAID WE HAVE NOTHING TO DISCUSS AND HE WALKED OUT. AGAIN, WE SAW A TEMPER TANTRUM.>>Jimmy: HE ALSO CLAIMED PRESIDENT TRUMP SLAMMED THE TABLE BUT VICE PRESIDENT PENCE HAD A VERY DIFFERENT TAKE ON THE ENCOUNTER.>>CAN YOU DESCRIBE WHAT THE PRESIDENT DID IN THE MEETING AND ARE WE ANY CLOSER TO HAVING A NATIONAL EMERGENCY DECLARED?>>WELL, THE PRESIDENT WALKED INTO THE ROOM AND PASSED OUT CANDY. IT’S TRUE.>>IT IS TRUE.>>Jimmy: HE HANDED OUT BUTTERFINGERS AND M&Ms. I WONDER IF HE HANDS OUT THE BROWN M&Ms OR IF HE STUFFS THOSE BACK IN THE BAG. BUT THE MORNING STARTED WITH A PRESS CONFERENCE ABOUT THE WALL, THE PRESIDENT IS POINTING TO OTHER COUNTRIES AS PROOF.>>ISRAEL PUT UP A WALL, 99.9% SUCCES SUCCESSFUL ACCORDING TO BIBI NETANYAHU. HE TOLD ME 99.9. MAYBE HE’LL CHANGE IT. BUT THEY PUT UP A WALL, AND THEY DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM ANYMORE.>>Jimmy: YEAH, RIGHT, NEVER HAVE ANY PROBLEMS IN ISRAEL. HERE’S THE THING, WALLS DON’T STOP DRUGS FROM GETTING IN. PRISONS HAVE WALLS, DRUGS GET INTO PRISONS ALL THE TIME. YOU KNOW WHAT WILL STOP PEOPLE FROM GETTING ACROSS THE BORDER? THE CUSTOMS AND DEA AGENTS. THE PEOPLE DONALD TRUMP HASN’T BEEN PAYING FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS. ONE REPORTER JON KARL ASKED WHY THEY DIDN’T JUST PAY THE WORKERS.>>WHY NOT SIGN THE BILL SO THE WORKERS — >>DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO THAT? DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO THAT, JON?>>IT’S NOT FOR ME.>>NO, SERIOUSLY, DO YOU THINK I SHOULD JUST SIGN? TELL ME, TELL ME. JON, YOU THINK I SHOULD JUST SIGN? >>I’M SAYING IF YOU SIGN THAT, THESE WORKERS CAN START GETTING PAID.>>IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD DO THAT.>>I’M NOT IN YOUR POSITION.>>I’M ASKING YOU, WOULD YOU DO THAT IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION, BECAUSE IF WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU SHOULD NEVER BE IN THIS POSITION. GOOD-BYE, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.>>Jimmy: IT WAS A FUN DAY. THERE’S NO END TO THE SHUTDOWN IN SIGHT UNLESS THEY LISTEN TO ME. I HAVE A PLAN TO END THE SHUTDOWN TOMORROW, FOR REAL. YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] I DON’T WANT TO SET THE EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH, BUT, WE ALL KNOW THE HOUSE ISN’T GOING TO AUTHORIZE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR THIS WALL. IT’S A WASTE. EVEN DONALD TRUMP KNOWS IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. HE PROMISED IT, BECAUSE HE DIDN’T THINK HE WAS GOING TO WIN. HE MIGHT AS WELL PROMISE US ALL JET PACKS. HE TOLD THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HIM THAT HE WAS GOING TO BUILD IT, NOW THEY WANT IT BUILT. HOW DOES HE GET OUT OF IT WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE HE LOST. WE PRETEND TO BUILD THE WALL. TRUMPCARES SO TRUMP CARES SO LITTLE ABOUT THE WALL, HE MIGHT AS WELL START CALLING IT ERIC. AND TELL THE RED HAT CLUB THAT THE WALL IS APPROVED, IT’S GOING UP, WE FOUND A POT OF GOLD ON THE TIJUANA BORDER, WE’RE USE BEING THAT TO BUILD IT. THERE’S NO REASON TO BE HONEST. IF TRUMP TELLS HIS TRUMPERS THAT THE WALL IS BEING BUILT, THEY’LL BELIEVE IT. ARE THEY GOING TO GO DOWN THERE AND CHECK? NO. JUST TAKE A PICTURE OF HIM IN A HARD HAT. HE CAN CUT THE RIBBON, A GROUP OF ACTORS CAN COME IN AND START DIGGING. HE’S HAPPY, WE’RE HAPPY AND EVERYBODY CAN GO BACK TO WORK. JUST MAYBE AT THE END OF ALL THIS DONALD TRUMP WILL REALIZE THAT THE WALL HE THOUGHT HE

100 comments

  1. This is SO good! From the beg to the end!!😂😂😂😂 but the voice of the cluless calm..!!! Seriously these days comedy does writes itself !!!
    The wall he called Eric was within him the whole time…

  2. Maybe you should kidnap Trump and then get Kobe Bryant to rape him, he's allegedly already got some experience with that.

  3. The Israli wall is on very different terrain with a much smaller border. And they still constantly find tunnels.

  4. Folks… if we don't need a wall, try leaving your front door of your home open all the time and see what happens …. same difference and we have enough crime without letting more in!! And Kimmel, your aren't funny and you are un-American, get a real job!!!!

  5. Jimmy Kimmel is irrelevant. All the tools and fools who buy the bullshit spewing from these socialist “entertainers” are suckers.
    Trump is doing the country a great service by letting the Democrats shut down the government. It’s only nonessential employees.
    Most of these people won’t be back after the shut down.
    And that’s a good thing.
    The reason these employees are called “nonessential” is because they’re just that. They’re not needed. They’re a waste of taxpayer dollars. They are nonessential. The federal government is not a damn charity to give people jobs that don’t need doing.

    Choke on that, liberal asshats!

  6. Didn't Jimmy co create the manshow? That was my favorite show ever the left would bury anyone who tried to make that show today that's why I'm surprised that Jimmy leans left

  7. Your just a talk show host thats it you couln’t do trumps job if you had a brain in your head your show is ignorent and should be cancelled cause all you do is complain get a life!!

  8. Great idea! But when you or someone else succeeds in unseating the President who was elected by us, what are you going to do to protect you and your family?

  9. Tha ph***k Nancy & Schumer. Enough is enough. I know POTUS is retarderd, but let hun know. G**K Off.ret***d. Let go

  10. The only thing kibble needs to end is his job as a Ha ha Host….He needs to back to girls on trampolines…..better his speed ..still above him though.

  11. The Deep State is being slowly being choked by the consistent Republicans.

    Dems have no integrity. They are sentimental and can’t handle logic. They live in feuds because they cannot think individually. Groups of coyotes that are lost.

  12. This government shutdown hurts the working class most. A millionaire won't suffer from this. How is this about a wall when he had the house for two years and didn't get it funded?! 😣😬

  13. He wants the wall because he is so desperately wanting to promote white supremacy by making America for Americans only. He will never be so desperate enough to pursue this if really he really likes Mexicans.

  14. My solution: build a 50 foot section of wall. Put Trump's name on it in 40 foot gold letters. Trump's will then have his monument to himself and we can all go back to what we were doing.

  15. You should run for president.
    And do it just for love. Not for money. Trump do not get any wages for all the worries he got.
    Trump is cleaning the swamp. All the satanic pedofilos will go to Gitmo.

  16. Go trump you can win. Trow all the Illuminati in jail.
    Go and watch all the videos from the satanic nine circle and you may get affected too.

  17. The Government Shutdown has cost more than the funds required.

    Pelosi needs to stop power tripping and to stop acting like a child and come to an agreement.

  18. LMAO!! He's right though just tell those dopes the wall os being built they'll believe anything he says and for damn sure won't take the time to check if it's true or not

  19. I love this president at least your seeing changes even know they're for the wrong reasons. With the last few presidents so many promises and nothing ever happened. At least he is a man of his word.

  20. Hey Jimmy, if you get on a plane and you happen to have a pilot you don't like, do you wish he crashes the plane just to say "I told you so"? No, of course not. But apparently you were hoping the North Korea peace treaty failed just to say Trump is a failure.

  21. Why do I even bother commenting? This isn't Chuck Schumer supporters that actually try to come up with facts, This is Jimmy Kimmel who attracts the worst type of liberal: The ones who think there better then you.

  22. I dont like trump at all, to me he doesn't like anyone who isn't white, but at the end of the day he still bleeds like all of us brown white yellow ect. He ain't perfect. The media does bash the hell out of him for real.

  23. Another solution would be for many collective states to have secession from the United States of America and form another government.

  24. How about why America is being entertained by Trump what is really goin on behind what we not suppose to see or know about Trump is pure distraction my mind can only wonder the families and ones that really do run our world what are they up too that's what I think while Trump is the distraction

  25. It is unknown why the media, Congress, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, etc., make any attempt to reason with an unreasonable individual. Who tries to reason with a man-child acting like a 2-year-old? The wall, to which DT refers, is slated to carry his name and image in neon flashing lights, a tidbit DT has yet to share with his adoring public. Library, f*tttt. He’d rather take a wall with his name on it.

  26. 0.36 anti immigrant…..whoo..whoo…..stop there he is anti illegal immigrant…..typical Jimmy always lying.

  27. Boo hoo I missed two paychecks because of the shutdown and I didn't even work when I was required to. Oh no I hope this doesn't ruin my retirement… oh wait…

  28. Niello, Pi, Hammers, and Mandrels. The Ambiguous Engineer (was somewhere else, originally):

    True music is a mathematical religious experience to engineering. It's all engineering versus legal. Is it true that females prefer legal types? Math is the religion of engineering (sacred geometries, Pythagoreanism) and Christianity of law. Chemistry is all materials theory and along with physics Judaism and the Occults are its religions. If you look at the Kabbalists, alchemists, and Occults they're all tied into Judaism indirectly. Don't be a fool for the law enterprises or get trapped in dead-end hospitality or retail jobs. Communications are the record keeping and inspiration of both. Physics is merely the energy, movement, and distances in all of them. The Devil is known for material sciences…nothing is more dead-end than legal enterprises. This explains the abacus which is a cash register and legal and the computer which is NOT a calculator but a communications device and records storage. In my opinion, always choose chemistry, math, and engineering. The religions speak of the devotions, traditions, and values of all of them. The medical industry is the application of chemistry, physics, and engineering to biology and mostly a legal affair. I don't really believe much in medical except for first-aid and accidents. It seems a little heavy on the applications. The thing about physics is that it creates matter which is at the root of chemistry and materials. The militaries do not manufacture weapons they contract them. There are very few writers of the rich history of factories and engineering, invention, and their dramas…why not a script about Eli Whitney or the steamboat wars? There are hundreds more. People might realize the actual pecking order in the world! Take a BIG step. Move up to engineering.

  29. The more recent Trump-bashing videos are, the less dislikes they have.
    You are finally on the right path America!

  30. i liked when late night shows werent political, i dont care if your right or left, i dont care about actors political opinions.

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