Don’t Laugh News Challenge: Tornado Jail!

Don’t Laugh News Challenge: Tornado Jail!


(funky music) – [Announcer] From West
Hollywood, California, the only news team that
doesn’t know what’s on the teleprompter before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. This is, Breaking News. – Hello and welcome to Breaking News, the show where we don’t know
what we’re about to say, and we aren’t allowed to smile or laugh. I’m Buck Fruckster. (laughter) Out of the gate. And to my left is anchor number two. She does have a name and that name is… – Glennn with three n’s. (laughter) – We begin tonight with the first story: Babies. Babies are the shriveled rats that husbands and wives make
by peeing on each other. Everyone knows that babies smell bad and suck at math, but did you know babies turn into people? – [Glennn] Smart scientists
at a university somewhere say that people used to be babies, and when babies become enormous, that’s how people happen. – [Buck] Fascinating! So, I was a baby before I got so huge? – Exactly, but babies don’t stop changing once they shape shift into people. When people die, they turn into skeletons, and the skeletons are made of bones which are worth a lot of money. After you die, you can sell your bones to
a weird dude on the internet (laughter) and he will pay top dollar
to own your skeleton and dress it up very sexy. (muffled laughter) He will kiss your skeleton. – [Buck] I can’t wait to
sell my bones after I die and get rich. I will buy a boat with my bone money. – [Glennn] Now we turn
to the United Nations, the building where all the
countries scream at each other. Our world news correspondent Dogboy… (laughter) Our world news
correspondent Dogboy Dimples is live on the scene to
tell us what happened today. Dogboy, what’s the scoopity doopity do? – Thanks Glennn with three n’s. Major news happened at
the United Nations today when all the countries
declared peace on each other so they could team up and kick my a**. Russia and America agreed to be friends and are planning to take turns paddling my sweet little behind
and twisting my nips ’til I scream for mercy. – Dogboy, it sounds like you are terrible and deserve all this. – Yes, Buck, I’m the worst. My stupid [Censored]
Face is annoying as hell, and my pie hole never stops yapping. – [Glennn] What else will
the United Nations do to you? – Well, Italy is going to hold my arms and Peru is going to hold my legs, so I can’t run away like
the little [Censored] I am. France is going to spit in my hair, and China will give me a wet willy. Then England will kick me hard in the ribs and all the countries will laugh, until they notice I’m not breathing. The countries will scream, “What the [Censored] Will we do? We went too far, oh [Censored]. The nations of the world
will then panic and run away. – Thanks Dogboy. We hate you, go [Censored] Yourself, and great work as always. – I say tornado, you say tornahdo. No matter how you pronounce it, the death toll is 85 dead and rising in the town of Smishburg, after a cyclone decimated it today. Our weatherperson Crystal Lake is on the scene of the tragedy. Crystal, tell us about that smushed city. – One second there was no tornado, the next second it was tornado time. The whole town is a [Censored] Mess, and I have a list of all the
buildings that were destroyed. – Please read it. You must read it. Read it now. – Okay, but only because I want to. The tornado wrecked the
town’s all-nude library. It demolished concussion stadium, the beloved football stadium where high school kids get concussions and their proud parents cheer “My son’s brain is broken now!” It destroyed the wax museum that only has statues of Robert Downey Jr. From when he was still addicted to drugs. The tornado also sucked all
the gorillas out of the town’s zoo and sent them flying
way high into the sky. Which is sad because they all died, but also was kinda
hilarious to watch because the gorillas were very surprised and had pretty goofy expressions. – Just horrible. I wish that tornado was a
person so it could go to jail. (laughter) (laughter) (laughter) – Yep. – I also wish the
tornado would go to jail. – It’s interesting you say that because the jail was also destroyed. (laughter) (laughter) – Amy’s crying. – Sorry the jail was also what, Crystal? – Destroyed. – Oh, bummer. (laughter) – And it wasn’t like
one of those bad jails. – You think that’s gonna help? Wow! – Jimmy Stewart. (laughter) – I think we’ve lost Crystal. – And it wasn’t like
one of those bad jails with, like, injustice. It was a cool, Johnny Cash-style jail that people make awesome songs about. Total bummer. – [Buck] Crystal, did they say how much it would cost to rebuild? – Oh they’re not gonna bother. I’m saying the nice stuff
about the town right now, but honestly it sucked. Mean people who deserved what they got. – Mean people suck. I saw that on a t-shirt once. That’s all the time we have for today. Before we go, we must
announce that today’s loser is Amy Vorpahl. Surprising no one. (laughter) Incredible. A near 100 percent meltdown. – I had my face planned and everything. (laughter) – [Dogboy] With her face planned? – I have a face that I can
do that makes me not laugh. But it didn’t work. – What is your face that
makes you not laugh? – I’m trying to do it it was. – [Buck] Yeah! That’s not funny at all. What a perfect parachute,
a ripcord for you to pull in case things get too silly. (laughter) – Stop! Please! – A fail-safe strategy
to never laugh again! (laughter) Let me try that, see if that works. (laughter) – Hello I’m Jim Jam
Smanglers the swindler cat. If you liked that video
there are ten full episodes of Breaking News that
will only be available on Dropout.tv. Start your free trial today. And now make way for Sam Riche, the manager cat. Wait I can’t sing! Can’t sing.

98 comments

  1. Love this episode? There's more Breaking News ONLY ON DROPOUT: http://bit.ly/2lIccdk
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  2. This is one of the funniest things I've seen all year. Probably watched it twice a week since I found it & it's funny every time.

  3. You guys need to make this a mobile app somehow so the rest of us can play, this would be so much fun as a group game to play with your buddies

  4. Your 'no laughing face' made me accidentally kick an old man on the train b free cause I was laughing so damn hard

  5. "oh, Erika is fucked, there's no way she's coming back from that."
    amy: hold my beeffofpphfftt 😬😬😬😬😬😬

  6. The faces Amy makes in this are great.
    watches up to her monologue Wow, she is … not great at this. How long did the entire sketch grind to a halt while she tried to get her shit together? Like, over a minute?

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