Cartoon Trump And Cartoon Putin Make First Joint Public Appearance


EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE
HILLARY CLINTON WILL TAKE THE POPULAR VOTE, WE HAVE TO ACCEPT
THAT THE WINNER OF THIS ELECTION WAS A WASHINGTON OUTSIDER WHO NO
ONE THOUGHT HAD A SHOT AT RUNNING THIS COUNTRY. CAN PEW. VLADIMIR PUTIN. BECAUSE WHILE DONALD TRUMP’S
POSITION ON A LOT OF ISSUES IS UNCLEAR, HE HAS A FIRM POSITION
ON PUTIN. I’M GOING TO GUESS MISSIONARY. HERE’S A LITTLE REMINDER. JIM?>>PUTIN CALLING TRUMP A
TALENTED, VERY COLORFUL PERSON. TRUMP’S RESPONSE? “IT IS ALWAYS A GREAT HONOR TO
BE SO NICELY COMPLIMENTED BY A MAN SO HIGHLY RESPECTED WITHIN
HIS OWN COUNTRY AND BEYOND.”>>HE CALLED ME A GENIUS. HE SAID, “DONALD TRUMP IS
A GENIUS, AND HE’S GOING TO BE THE LEADER OF THE PARTY, AND
HE’S GOING TO BE THE LEADER OF THE WORLD,” OR SOMETHING. HE CALLED ME A GENIUS. I’M GOING TO DISAVOW IT? ARE YOU CRAZY? IF HE SAYS GREAT THINGS ABOUT
ME, I’M GOING TO SAY GREAT THINGS ABOUT HIM. HE’S BEEN A LEADER FAR MORE THAN
OUR PRESIDENT HAS BEEN A LEADER. THE MAN HAS VERY STRONG CONTROL
OVER A COUNTRY.>>Stephen: YES, AND SOON HE’LL
HAVE VERY STRONG CONTROL OVER TWO COUNTRIES. THE C.I.A. SAYS CLEARLY RUSSIA
HACKED THE DEMOCRATS. AND YESTERDAY, MICHAEL ROGERS,
THE SITTING HEAD OF THE N.S.A., SAYS THE CLINTON CAMPAIGN WAS
TARGETED BY A FOREIGN POWER.>>THIS WAS NOT SOMETHING THAT
WAS DONE CASUALLY. THIS WAS NOT SOMETHING THAT WAS
DONE BY CHANCE. THIS WAS NOT A TARGET THAT WAS
SELECTED PURELY ARBITRARILY. THIS WAS A CONSCIOUS EFFORT BY A
NATION-STATE TO ATTEMPT TO ACHIEVE A SPECIFIC EFFECT.>>Stephen: AND IMMEDIATELY
AFTER THE ELECTION, TRUMP REACHED OUT TO PUTIN. ACCORDING TO THE KREMLIN, THE
BESTIES HAD A CONVOTHIS WEEK. TAERNL THEY TALKED ABOUT WHAT
THE TRUMP FOLKS CALL, “THE HISTORICAL U.S.-RUSSIA
RELATIONSHIP THAT DATES BACK OVER 200 YEARS.” YES, FOR 200 YEARS, WHEN YOU
THINK RUSSIA, YOU THINK FRIEND. WAIT A SECOND, WHAT’S ANOTHER
WORD FOR FRIEND?>>THE EVIL EMPIRE.>>Stephen: THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE ).>>Stephen: THAT’S THE GREAT
COMMUNICATOR RIGHT THERE.>>Jon: THAT’S RIGHT, THAT’S
RIGHT.>>Stephen: DURING THEIR PHONE
CALL, THE NEW CELEBRITY POWER COUPLE– I’M
GOING WITH “DONOMIR PRUMPIN”– DISCUSSED THREATS AND CHALLENGES
FACING THE UNITED STATES, WHICH WERE EASY TO REMEMBER BECAUSE
THE THREAT, WAS TALKING TO THE CHALLENGE. THE KREMLIN SAYS THAT THIS IS
“PART OF JOINT EFFORTS TO NORMALIZE RELATIONS.” DON’T NORMALIZE IT! IT’S NOT NORMAL! ONCE AGAIN, IT’S WEIRD. FOR PETE’S SAKE. SPEAKER PAUL RYAN CALLED PUTIN
AN “AGGRESSOR WHO DOES NOT SHARE OUR INTERESTS.” LINDSEY GRAHAM SAID, “THIS
CALCULATION BY TRUMP UNNERVES ME TO MY CORE.” AND LINDSEY GRAHAM DOESN’T HAVE
A CORE. I’VE DONE PILATES WITH HIM. ( LAUGHTER )
AND YESTERDAY, JOHN McCAIN RELEASED A BLISTERING STATEMENT
CALLING PUTIN “A FORMER K.G.B. AGENT WHO HAS PLUNGED HIS
COUNTRY INTO TYRANNY, MURDERED HIS POLITICAL OPPONENTS, INVADED
HIS NEIGHBORS, THREATENED AMERICA’S ALLIES, AND ATTEMPTED
TO UNDERMINE AMERICA’S ELECTIONS.” AND McCAIN KNOWS ALL ABOUT
UNDERMINING ELECTIONS. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) DESPITE THE FACT WE KNOW
VLADIMIR PUTIN’S A BAD GUY, TRUMP CARTOONISHLY INSISTS THAT
HE’S A MODEL FOR LEADERSHIP. HERE TO ANSWER FOR THIS IS
CARTOON DONALD TRUMP. MR. CARTOON PRESIDENT-ELECT,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.>>HAPPY TO BE HERE. HELLO, NEW YORK. THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOTES!>>Stephen: ACTUALLY, DON’T,
DON’T, DON’T THANK THEM FOR THEIR VOTE. ONLY 10% OF MANHATTAN VOTED FOR
YOU.>>THEN SCREW YOU FOR YOUR
VOTES! PRESIDENT TRUMP IS RAISING YOUR
RENT.>>Stephen: SIR, DOES VLADIMIR
PUTIN HAVE SOME STRANGE INFLUENCE ON YOU?>>STEPHEN, ABSOLUTELY NOT. EVEN THOUGH VLADIMIR PUTIN IS A
GREAT LEADER, STRONG, WARM, LIKE STEAMING BOWL OF BORSCHT. I WILL NYET BE TOLD WHAT TO
DO BY ANYONE, NO MATTER HOW HANDSOME THEY ARE.>>Stephen: WAIT A SECOND,
THAT’S CARTOON VLADIMIR PUTIN.>>WHAT? I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS SITTING
THERE, AND, THEREFORE, I AM SHOCKED!>>HELLO, STEPHEN. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON
DECADENT TELEVISION CIRCUS.>>Stephen: MR. CARTOON PUTIN,
IT’S BEING REPORTED THAT YOU MANIPULATED OUR ELECTION IN
FAVOR OF DONALD TRUMP.>>WHAT REPORTERS ARE SAYING
THIS? GIVE ME NAMES. I WILL FIX.>>THAT IS TOTALLY RIDICULOUS. WE’RE WORKING TOGETHER FOR THE
BETTERMENT OF BOTH OF OUR COUNTRIES. I’VE AGREED TO WORK WITH HIM ON
SYRIA.>>AND IN RETURN, I’VE AGREED TO
CALL HIM “COOL GUY.”>>WHAT CAN I SAY? I’M A NEGOTIATOR.>>Stephen: CARP TOON, THE
DONALD, HOW CAN THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
EMBRACE A LEADER WHO KILLS JOURNALISTS AND JAILS POLITICAL
OPPONENTS.>>I DON’T DO THAT, DO I? I DON’T. THOSE REPORTS ARE LIES, AND
ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE WILL BE JAILED.>>Stephen: YOU JUST GOT THAT
ANSWER FROM HIM.>>WHAT? NO, WE’RE JUST FRIENDS! WE’RE SO CLOSE, WE FINISH EACH
OTHER’S…>>…ELECTIONS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, HERE’S THE DEAL. CLEARLY, WE’VE BEEN IN A NEW
COLD WAR.>>SPEAKING OF TEMPERATURE,
STEPHEN, YOUR STUDIO IS VERY MUCH TOO HOT. EXCUSE ME A MOMENT. OH, I AM SORRY. I HAVE REVEALED MY POWERFUL
ABS AND HEAVING SLAVIC MAN-BOSOM. YOU LIKE?>>OH, YEAH, I LOVE A “D” CUP.>>DONALD, STARE INTO MY
HYPNO-PECS. YOU ARE TRUSTING ME.>>I AM TRUSTING YOU.>>WE ARE YOUR ALLIES.>>YOU ARE OUR ALLIES.>>YOU WILL GIVE ME ALASKA.>>I WILL GIVE YOU ALASKA.>>AND YOU WILL HAND OVER MOOSE
AND SQUIRREL.>>I WILL HAND OVER MOOSE AND
SQUIRREL. ( LAUGHTER )
>>GOOD JOB, DONALD. NOW LET US SEAL THE AGREEMENT
WITH OPEN MOUTH SUMMIT.>>Stephen: ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO! DON’T MAKE ME GET THE HOSE! CARTOON TRUMP AND CARTOON PUTIN
EVERYBODY! STICK AROUND, WE’LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MARION COTILLARD! KNOCK IT OFF! STOP IT!

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